Dave’s Midlife Blog

In the spring of 2007, everybody in the USA seems to have a cell phone. (Mobile, handy, whatever you want to call it.) Here in the suburbs of DC, they are used ubiquitously, but not always benignly. Driving while phoning, for example, is nearly as dangerous as driving while intoxicated. The Virginia legislature just passed, and the governor just signed, a law prohibiting cell phone use by drivers under the age of 18.

Maybe I’m a prissy old man, but I am amazed every day at the huge number of rude and/or clueless people who use these things. Like Pavlov’s dog, these cell phone users drop everything when their phones ring. They interrupt whatever social interaction, task, or meeting they are involved in (or witnessing) to respond to the ring of the bell, in hopes of getting the telecommunications equivalent of a morsel to eat.

Yet there are people who, like me, tend to find a quiet, removed corner to conduct their communications. There are people, like the general contractor who met with us this morning to discuss a remodeling job, who apologize when the phone goes off, and who ignore calls that don’t matter. Thank you all for showing some basic level of good manners.

For the rest of you clueless louts, here is my own little list of cell phone rudenesses. Please be aware that to some people, you come across as a jerk when you violate these little social taboos.

1. If you cannot take a call, don’t answer the phone. If you are in the middle of sawing wood for your new garage, or re-wiring your house for the Internet, or changing your baby’s diaper, DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE if I call you. To answer the phone and then tell me that you cannot talk because your are sawing/re-wiring/changing the diaper is just rude. Let the voicemail do its thing and then call me back. I am happy to leave a message. Voicemail technology is the great social lubricant of the 21st century. Use it.
2. If you are standing in line to purchase something, that thing standing at the cash register is a HUMAN BEING. Do not carry on a conversation with somebody else on your cell phone while the grocery cashier is trying to ask you whether you want paper or plastic, whether you want your change in fives or twenties, whether you would like to get a less leaky gallon of milk. Your ongoing phone conversation is a signal to the cashier that he/she does not count in your world of humanity. Give your cell phone a rest. In the meantime, practice saying this phrase, over and over, until you are comfortable with it: “I have to go, I’ll call you back later.”
3. If your call is a fight or a breakup with a significant other, or any other emotionally-laden discourse, do it in private. You do not have sex, or even foreplay, in the middle of a crowded mall. Don’t do your breakups there either. I just don’t want to see or hear every ugly aspect of your personal life. Go out into the parking lot, sit in your car with the windows rolled up, and let ‘er rip. But don’t share it with me.
4. You do not have to shout to be heard by your interlocutor. I often witness perfectly quiet cell phone conversations on the Washington Metro, in which the Metro rider is speaking to the person on the other end in a quiet voice, and I can’t hear a word. Thank you, quiet cell-phone talkers. On the other hand, some people seem to think that the cell phone is designed just to give the voice a little boost between here and home, 10 miles away. These people shout so they can be heard. Don’t. The microphone on a cell phone works wonders. It converts your voice into a digital signal that is miraculously amplified so it can be heard on the other end.
5. If you are driving a car on the same streets or in the same parking lots as I, hang up your phone and drive. At least get a real hands-free kit. Put the phone down and put both hands on the wheel. Turn your head around and look for my car coming up the street. Tell your conversational partner that you have to pay attention for a second and then come back to the conversation. Don’t kill me, or destroy my car, because you’re talking to your cousin about last night’s American Idol. Hang up and drive.

I’m not saying don’t talk on the cell phone. I couldn’t live without my cell phone. I’m saying please, please try to recall that other people share the space in which you walk and talk. Don’t pretend your cell phone comes equipped with an isolation capsule. Be aware that whenever I see you violating any of these taboos, I assume that you are a rude jerk–even if you aren’t really.

End of curmudgeonly rant.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 24th, 2007 at 1:47 pm and is filed under midlife, technology.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.