Comments on: What are your secrets? http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/ Musings of a middle-aged guy waiting to see what he'll be when he grows up Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:09:22 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Julie http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/#comment-133 Julie Fri, 28 Apr 2006 19:36:20 +0000 http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/#comment-133 Simran, The issue about the priest is that he, the priest was sexually abused as a young man, not that the priest abused anyone. He was the victim, but when he talked about it he was taken out of his post. I am not sure that I understand what the issue is. The article makes it sound like it was a very intense, negative sermon, and without being there I cannot judge what happened, and whether it was indeed inappropriate. My gut feeling is to agree with Dave, but I am just not sure. And I do think younger people are more open than older ones. Goodness I remember in college long involved talks in the car about all the terrible things in our pasts. In fact, at one point in college I wondered if I was the only person I knew who came from a loving, functional family. In the context of middle age, though , we definitely hide our wounds. Or at least I know I do. Julie Simran,

The issue about the priest is that he, the priest was sexually abused as a young man, not that the priest abused anyone. He was the victim, but when he talked about it he was taken out of his post.

I am not sure that I understand what the issue is. The article makes it sound like it was a very intense, negative sermon, and without being there I cannot judge what happened, and whether it was indeed inappropriate. My gut feeling is to agree with Dave, but I am just not sure.

And I do think younger people are more open than older ones. Goodness I remember in college long involved talks in the car about all the terrible things in our pasts. In fact, at one point in college I wondered if I was the only person I knew who came from a loving, functional family.

In the context of middle age, though , we definitely hide our wounds. Or at least I know I do.

Julie

]]> By: Dave http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/#comment-132 Dave Fri, 28 Apr 2006 19:32:08 +0000 http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/#comment-132 "You mentioned that priest who sexually abused a young man. I don’t understand why you don’t support the Chruch’s actions. If he was guilty of a crime, he needs to be put to justice." No, no, he himself WAS abused by a priest when HE was a young man. That's the point. He announced this secret during Holy Week. And the church fired him for sharing that secret, for telling people that a priest had abused HIM. The church fathers did not want a priest talking about other priest's having abused him. That's what's so heinous: that the church punished this guy for simply talking about his own bad experience with another priest when he was young. There's no suggestion in the article that he himself ever did anything wrong. “You mentioned that priest who sexually abused a young man. I don’t understand why you don’t support the Chruch’s actions. If he was guilty of a crime, he needs to be put to justice.”

No, no, he himself WAS abused by a priest when HE was a young man. That’s the point. He announced this secret during Holy Week.

And the church fired him for sharing that secret, for telling people that a priest had abused HIM. The church fathers did not want a priest talking about other priest’s having abused him.

That’s what’s so heinous: that the church punished this guy for simply talking about his own bad experience with another priest when he was young. There’s no suggestion in the article that he himself ever did anything wrong.

]]> By: Simran http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/#comment-130 Simran Fri, 28 Apr 2006 17:56:49 +0000 http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/#comment-130 Not anymore, Julie. Men do talk about things these days. Me and my friends do and I'm pretty sure none of us is gay. I do have a friend, who's gay and we do chat about stuff, but I guess that's more normal, right? Not anymore, Julie. Men do talk about things these days. Me and my friends do and I’m pretty sure none of us is gay. I do have a friend, who’s gay and we do chat about stuff, but I guess that’s more normal, right?

]]> By: Simran http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/#comment-129 Simran Fri, 28 Apr 2006 17:54:21 +0000 http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/#comment-129 Well, I'm ready to share any secrets here. Maybe another time. You mentioned that priest who sexually abused a young man. I don't understand why you don't support the Chruch's actions. If he was guilty of a crime, he needs to be put to justice. What if someone came up to you and admitted that they killed someone. That's horrific! You would HAVE to tell someone. By law. Well, I’m ready to share any secrets here. Maybe another time.

You mentioned that priest who sexually abused a young man. I don’t understand why you don’t support the Chruch’s actions. If he was guilty of a crime, he needs to be put to justice. What if someone came up to you and admitted that they killed someone. That’s horrific! You would HAVE to tell someone. By law.

]]> By: Julie http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/#comment-126 Julie Fri, 28 Apr 2006 14:27:36 +0000 http://davesmidlife.com/2006/04/27/what-are-your-secrets/#comment-126 I had a similar experience, when I was a bit older, maybe 9, and the teacher in question was a nun. I still blush furiously and feel terrible inside when I think of it, although intellectually I understand it was not my fault. I will note that the nun in question began allowing bathroom breaks after the incident, and that my parents moved me to a public school soon thereafter, though I think for financial reasons. I think that there are reasons other than embarassment that we neglect to share these things, one is that when you share some things, you kind of unilaterally force level of intimacy that you may not be sure, in any relationship, that the other is truly comfortable with. One does not want to turn one's friendships, or even partnership, into a therapy session. And to some extent it is cultural. We, especially men in our society, just don't talk about those things, right? I had a similar experience, when I was a bit older, maybe 9, and the teacher in question was a nun. I still blush furiously and feel terrible inside when I think of it, although intellectually I understand it was not my fault. I will note that the nun in question began allowing bathroom breaks after the incident, and that my parents moved me to a public school soon thereafter, though I think for financial reasons.

I think that there are reasons other than embarassment that we neglect to share these things, one is that when you share some things, you kind of unilaterally force level of intimacy that you may not be sure, in any relationship, that the other is truly comfortable with. One does not want to turn one’s friendships, or even partnership, into a therapy session.

And to some extent it is cultural. We, especially men in our society, just don’t talk about those things, right?

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