I’ve been a performing artist for money ever since I was about 13 years old. Throughout high school and university I thought of myself as a performer. (I’m using the term “performer” because I have called myself a professional musician and a professional actor at several stages in my life.)
Particularly when I was trying to get started as an actor in New York, I used to expend a lot of energy and stress trying to figure out “who I was,” by which I mean what kind of performing persona was most likely to get me hired. Was I a young leading man? A character actor? A comedian? A musical actor? Something else? I never exactly zeroed in on any of those, which might have something to do with my not “making it” big as an actor. (That and my desire to stay married.)
Last night at my church, we had our once-a-year “Open Mike Night,” which is just what it sounds like. Anybody who wants to sing or play something can get on the program. A few dozen people from the congregation come to listen. A handful of folks, some of whom really don’t otherwise get up in front of an audience too much, present their musical tidbits. It’s a lot of fun, and yet we would never dream of putting out a CD of the result. We just do it for fun.
Or, actually, why do we do it?
I was thinking about this this morning. Why does a performing artist perform? For some people it was pretty scary getting up in front of friends and casual acquaintances to sing. You expose a lot about yourself when you do that. It’s not only about one’s singing voice; it’s also about one’s taste in music, one’s confidence in one’s presentation of self to others, even one’s ideology and point of view.
People who perform are famously driven by ego, but this Latin word for “I” can be applied to anyone. Everybody has an ego, and everybody wants his/her ego fed by approval. One of our first urges is for approval from Mom. When our friends approve of our song (recitation, magic trick, etc.), it’s even better. Mom pretty much has to approve, but friends don’t, necessarily. And when strangers approve, well, then you are somebody.
I guess I’ve been looking for approval from strangers all my life. When casting directors and talent agents gave me approval in my New York years, it put me on top of the world. And when I got nothing from them but indifference, it put me into a deep, funky depression.
It’s taken a long time to get a good perspective on this. And I’m still working on it.
Categories: performing, acting, music
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Just read your post, I really like the idea of open-mike-night. This might sound funny, but how about putting that open-mike-night stuff into the podsafe music network. People might actually like some of the stuff, or maybe find it funny and anyway end up putting it into their podcasts.
No way will the open mike night ever see the light of day, I’m afraid, SIM. This is more like the family (our church) gathering around the piano for a singalong.
Dave your thoughts are very interesting here today. I come from a family where everyone performs, some more publicly than others - and I’ve known I’m a bit of a performer myself (though not on your level)- I’m the person at work always called on to give presentations, teach classes, etc. Since I’m married to someone who is mostly performance-averse I have also wondered about this, but more on the lines of whether this is a good thing (i.e. am I sharing some level of gift) or a bad thing (i.e. am I egotisical, or insecure enough to need everyone to look at me?)
I don’t know, either, but it is interesting.
-Julie
Here’s another thought though - this entry really made me think. Most of the performers I know are actually not egotistical. My daughter, studying theatre, is not, neither you nor Barbara are, and most of my sibilings are not. Verne, our pastor, is not, and he has to be one of the best performers I know.
And I know narcissistic, egotistical folks that are performance averse.
So I’m not buying the egotism theory. But something I’ve noted is that most performers I know are deeply concerned with making connections with other people. This does not mean they are extroverts, indeed most performers I know are introverts (my family excepted) and the best performers I know are often the most introverted.
So I wonder if these are not just people who like connecting with a lot of people - but maybe are not as good, or don’t feel that they are as good, at connecting with people in, say the usual way. Or maybe they are but they just have a need for human interaction that is higher than non-performers. I’ll note that some performers (Barbara comes to mind immediately) are also superb listeners.
- Julie
Julie, I think you’re on to something when you talk about connections. That’s related to my assertion about approval.
I didn’t mean to imply that performers are necessarily egotistical, in the common sense of needing to be the center of attention all the time. (However, in my experience with performers, the exceptions you cite tend to prove the rule, I think.)
But when I say that performers need approval, that does seem universal. Even modest and retiring performers need that audience reaction–the applause or laughter–and when it’s not there they feel as if they’ve failed.
This is, I think, a necessary element of the whole performance scheme, and what makes live theater essentially different from recorded or filmed “performance.” It’s a two-way street.
If an audience reacts negatively–or worse still, if there is no audience, thus indicating mass indifference–then every serious performer I’ve ever met goes into a blue funk. Even if they don’t express it, I think it happens.
Why won’t it see the light of day??
I think it would be wonderful to listen to something like that. That’s the real type of fun… not some recording ain a closed-up studio. That’sstuff that happens once in a while (rarely over here). I say it would be popular and it would get a lot of listens.